Ep211 Bodhi Aldridge - Leading From The Inside Out: Finding True Freedom

Bodhi Aldridge 0:00

So a simple definition of leadership is influence. Everybody in your business is a leader, because they're all influencing the business. And as a leader, I need to be aware, because the system will be showing symptoms of where it's flowing and where it's not. As you elevate your leadership skills, you need to have that bigger horizon as well, not just the day to day tasks.

Mike O'Neill 0:25

Welcome to get unstuck and on target, the weekly podcast that offers senior leaders insights and strategies to not only lead with confidence and vision, but also to achieve groundbreaking results. I'm your host. Mike O'Neill, I coach top level executives on the power of ethical leadership to forge teams to be as united as they are effective in each episode, join me for insightful conversations with leaders just like you, providing practical advice to help you get unstuck and propel you and your company forward. Let's get started.

Mike O'Neill 1:08

As a coach, I see this all the time, high performing leaders who have checked every box of success but still feel stuck in this episode, I sit down with transformational leadership coach, Bodie Aldridge, to unpack what it really means to lead from the inside out, we'll explore how self awareness, presence and a simple mindset shift can unlock true fulfillment, not just in business, but in life. If you ever felt like you're grinding but not growing, you won't want to miss this. My guest today is Bodhi Aldridge. He's a transformational leadership coach who has worked with executives from Fortune 100 companies all over the world. Bodhis mission is to guide leaders on a journey to true freedom by helping them navigate the complexities of leadership from the inside out with a diverse background as a father, grandfather, lawyer, coach and facilitator, Bodhi has spent decades immersing himself in both traditional teachings and modern leadership strategies. His philosophy is built on the belief that everyone has magnificence within them. It just has to be remembered. Our topic today is leading from the inside out. Welcome, Bodhi.

Bodhi Aldridge 2:29

Thank you so much, Mike, and welcome to the listeners. Yeah, I'm excited to have this conversation.

Mike O'Neill 2:33

Well, I've been looking forward to this for multiple reasons, but let's just jump right in and let's start with true leadership, and that is, you say that true leadership starts from within. What does leading from the inside out look like in action?

Bodhi Aldridge 2:52

Yeah. I mean, if we look at leadership, and we'll have a chance to define it in more detail, the three keys to leadership, first is self leadership. The second is relational leadership, and the third is systemic leadership. And I'll explain what I mean by that. So self leadership, which is the leading from the inside outage, the common denominator in your leadership, yep, is you. And if you're not aware of how you show up, if you're not aware of the vibe you're giving, if you're not aware of the effectiveness of your communication yet, then chances are you may not be leading as well as you could. And again, we'll go deeper into that, hopefully today, that's the self component, the self leadership understanding from the inside out, relational leadership. The studies are really clear that in leadership, and again, typically in business, can be in sport, can be in community, can be in family, the relationship you create with the other person, whether it's individual, whether it's team, the key to effective leadership is the presence that you create, the relational field you create with the other person. If you're distracted and bouncing from meeting to meeting and trying to have a conversation with one of your team, it's not going to be as effective as if you're present. You know, present from the inside out. And so relational leadership is key if you want your team to come on the journey with you. How do I get alignment? How do I get effective communication? How do I get buy in all of those sorts of things and systemic leadership? A lot of your listeners who own their own business or run teams, the key is I'm aware of myself. I'm aware of my relationships in the business, and I'm also aware of the system. So in a business, what happens is, you know, 1020, 30 people working together, plus you've got all the other stakeholders, you know, that creates a constellation, or a system. And as a leader, I need to be aware, because the the system will be shown. Growing symptoms of where it's flowing and where it's not. And so as you elevate your leadership skills, you need to have that bigger horizon as well, not just the day to day tasks.

Mike O'Neill 5:12

So Bodhi, if we were to say self relationship and systemic leadership, those are all go hand in hand in your experience working with senior leaders, where do you find is oftentimes of the three the most challenging,

Bodhi Aldridge 5:30

I would say, day to day, the relational one is the most challenging. Yep, and it's a good question, because you know, systemic leadership takes a certain level of awareness. And again, you know, any of the listeners who are firefighting, stuck in the content, doing the day to day, in the weeds, it's very difficult to think systemically, and that's why, when we come back to stealth and leading from the inside out, you know, you you've got to start mastering yourself, you've got to have that level of self awareness. And if I just jump in, is it useful if I just define leadership the way I talk about it, and how that could play out in those three pillars, please? Yep. So a simple definition of leadership is influence and essentially everybody in your business is a leader, because they're all influencing the business. Now there are formal leadership roles and informal leadership roles. So you know, somebody's got to be the general manager, someone's going to be the captain of the team. And what we know and the studies around staff engagement, staff recruitment is the two pillars of leadership. One is connection, and the other is direction. All of the staff surveys show that if an employee feels a connection with the owner a connection with the organization, yeah, and has clear direction. And this is where a lot of leaders fall down. Because particularly, I'm talking a lot to entrepreneurial leaders here, business owners, but it applies to people working in in organizations, in corporate if you think about expectations. Mike, so fundamentally relational leadership and relations are quite simple. Communicate your expectations and have them met. So any of the listeners, if you think, if you just communicate to your team, this is what I want you to do, please do it by this time and it was met and you'd probably be as satisfied like that. The challenge is, most business owners, entrepreneurs, our expectations are changing all the time. You know, that drive to work, you kind of think, oh, we need to pivot here. We need to follow up that person, we need to close that deal. But if we're not present and connected and communicating, it the team go, it's like the goal post move every day, yeah? So really being connected, and the link to the inside out is you got to be connected with yourself, yeah? And what I mean by that is that the way we process the world, one is at a thinking level, one is at a feeling or an emotional level, and another is at an intuitive or a knowing level. And with our busy culture, with the economy and the economics the way it is, a lot of us just process at a thinking level, right? Yeah, we don't have time for reflection. We don't have time to connect with ourselves. We don't take time out. We're not aware of how we feel. We're not aware of our intuitive and these are huge generalizations. Yet the thing with connection with self is, how do I get present with myself? How do I, you know, basically, get to know myself a little bit more. Again, they did a study of effective leaders. They got a bunch of leaders to map their behavior for 30 days, and what they found is the most effective quote, unquote, and leaders had a daily reflective practice. And what that means is that and some of them twice a day, so in the morning, they took time out for reflection, and that could be it could be in nature, it could be meditation, it could be prayer, it could be contemplation. But they were really reflecting on, who am I, and how am I going to show up today, and how did I show up yesterday? And in neuroscience, they know that learning, the key link to any learning is reflection, and so in the busyness of running your own business, children, mortgages, things like that, a lot of people don't take or feel they have time to take 510, minutes, 20 minutes to reflect on how am I as a. How am I showing up? What? What are my feelings? Telling me about this, what's my intuition? And so, you know, if there's one takeaway for the listeners, and we'll talk more about it, if you can cultivate a reflective practice where you just take a bit of time out, you know, 1015, 20 minutes, morning or evening, and just reflect on if it's the morning, how do I want to show up today? What are the meetings I've got today? What are the no because from the inside out is you get to choose how you show up. Do I want to be a leader who's present, who's connected, who's open, who's curious, or do I want to be a leader that's busy and scattered and dictated dictator, like telling everybody and again, there's no right or wrong. It's just we know the most effective leaders have a reflective practice.

Mike O'Neill 10:52

So let's since that's an important aspect of what you have found is a common element for successful leaders. Let's say we got folks watching or listening right now. Who say, Gosh, I'm not doing that. I'm hearing Bodhi. And he said it's important, and he mentioned 510, 15 minutes. That might sound like forever if you're not doing it now. How do you advise your clients? What's the best way to start, what is it we're describing, and such that you could stick with it?

Bodhi Aldridge 11:26

Yeah, yeah. It's a great question. Change comes from inspiration or desperation. And so you know, any of the listeners, you know, particularly if you're stuck, given the theme of the podcast, you know, there'll be a point, if you think about it, in your own journey, and maybe some of your friends. Unfortunately, some people get brought to their knees before they change. Yes, you know, can can be health, can be finances and things. So, you know, the aim, obviously, the podcast is to inspire people, yeah. And what we know is that, and there's some great literature around changing habits effectively, you are the sum of your habits, and your habits are the sum of the conversation you have with yourself, the self talk, yeah. And if you're not aware of the conversation you're having with yourself, yeah, then it's very difficult to break your habits, yes. And so the reality is, I would say, and some of the working parents, you know, with commutes and mortgages, it may be tricky, I would say most people technically have five or 10 minutes a day available. They could find it. I'm not saying it's easy, but you know, if you think about a day, you think I could probably find five or 10 minutes. And the simple and most challenging star to answer your question is silence, stillness, you know. And one of the things is, if you want to train your mind, train your body and find somewhere, you can just sit still for five minutes with no To Do List, with no phone, with no distractions. Yeah? Because what silence does is it allows us to notice the conversation we're having with ourselves, yeah, and the thinking mind. Remember, we have 60,000 thoughts a day, yep, 80% of them are negative. So the inner critic, the saboteur, they're not good enough, yeah. And so what happens when we find some stillness is we notice how busy that internal chatter is, yes, and it doesn't want to stop. If you you know, remember, you are not your thoughts. Thoughts are just constructs that will come, voluntary and involuntary. Thoughts will come and they can go, but the threshold to break through is when people sit still. It's like these thoughts are on loud speak, and they will get busy. Yeah, and what I say to clients, Mike is that it's like, it's like going to the gym three times and expecting to be fit like you kind of gotta just see if you can just find three or five minutes of silence. If there's somewhere in your house you can just sit and be and train your body is easier than training your mind. So you're training your body to just sit, like training a doc, just sit, just sit. Just sit. Five minutes. Just put the stopwatch on, the timer on five minutes. Just sit. Notice the conversation you're having with yourself. It will scream, it will be loud, it will be uncomfortable, yet no change happens unless you step out of a comfort zone. And so and then anyone who's fortunate enough to have a garden and go into nature, you know, basically, the thing with nature is we know that everything is frequency. Vibration. Yeah. Nikola Tesla, you know, all the scientists, everything's energy, and nature is our natural vibration. So the reason when we go into nature, we go for a hike, we go to the beach, and we calm down. Our nervous system calms down. Our energetic system calms down. It's that frequency and energy settles. So if anyone has, as I say, a garden, a lovely place they can sit, or a park nearby. If you can go there and just just do some summit reflection, yeah, and you don't even need to. Eventually you can start doing things like journaling things, but just even sitting can be somehow

Mike O'Neill 15:36

you're stressing the importance of silence, something that probably is uncomfortable for many because of all of the distractions that we allow in. But in that silence, you're saying that what does get turned up is those inner thoughts, and they're coming fast and furious, yeah. How do you advise your folks when these your your brain is racing. Most of the things that is being said or thought is negative. It starts with dedicating the time to do so, ideally, choosing a location that reinforces that. How do you kind of encourage your your clients? Are you suggested they try to dial it down versus turn it off?

Bodhi Aldridge 16:26

Um, well, yeah, it's another great question. And you know, one of the things I teach, and we'll put in the show notes, are some simple practices, good, yep. Some, you know, because, you know, teaching people presence, yeah. And the to your point, it's not dialing it down or stopping what happens is that, you know, presence, embodied presence, mindfulness, meditation, prayer or contemplation. It's not about stopping our thoughts, right? Yeah, there's still the thoughts, both voluntary and involuntary will continue. The first key is you have to have a, what I call a presence anchor. Yeah. So if you think about your attention, Mike, in ancient moment, our attention, our awareness, our consciousness, is focused somewhere. To any of the listeners, the biggest asset you have in your business and in your life is your attention. Because where your attention goes, energy flows, and we know this. We know this through science. We know this through traditional practices. So what happens is that the key is these busy thoughts, particularly initially, will continue. And it's not about stopping your thinking, because, in essence, you can't. But it's not letting your attention follow the thoughts. It's finding a presence anchor, that's why you know coming back to your breath, or the inbred through the nose, coming back to your body, having somewhere you can put your attention, where you feel more present your feet and on your belly, and what happens with your thoughts. And again, it's a little bit like if you take a dog for a walk in the park, and the dog picks up a scent, yeah, and suddenly the dog just wants to follow that scent. And you know, you can't hold it back on the leash, yeah? That's what happens with our attention. With these thoughts, we like a dog on a leash. We want to solve a problem in the future. We want to mull over something that happened in the past. Our attention is being taken into these which aren't even real. They're just constructs. You know, I had a client once who I've said every, every morning, when you wake up, I want you to write down, you know, every problem you think you've got, every every challenge you think you've got for a month. And any of the listeners who want to do this, yeah, and you know, he was finding, you know, 1015, things, just jotting them down. And at the end of the month, I said, How many of those came to being? And he said, None. He said, All of these worries, all of these anxiousness I had. None of them actually came to being. But I was burning up so much energy, so much capacity, so much of my critical resource that I could be putting into decision making, strategic thinking, clarity with my team, you know, those sorts of things.

Mike O'Neill 19:34

You know, as we're discussing this, we've spent quite a bit of time on the person, if you would, and what we can do to improve that sense of centeredness and the importance of silence. You work with high performing leaders, leaders who have achieved worldly success, but inevitably they've. Have the trappings of success, but something's missing. They don't have that sense of fulfillment. Or I trust that you see that in your coaching work, and when you do, can you just kind of give us a little bit of a hint as to what is it that you try to do to kind of help your clients come up with some practical steps to kind of start aligning, what is it they're doing with, what their deeper purpose might be?

Bodhi Aldridge 20:30

Yeah, yeah, beautiful. And to the first part, you know, and you know, I've worked with, you know, very, very successful people around the world, as you say, you know billionaires to you know CEO, then the the setup, and any of the listeners really want you to reflect on how this applies to you is that most, most of us in the western world through the conditioning, through the culturing, and it's not good or bad. It's like the way we've lived our life is when I have when I have success, when I have the money, when I have the business, you know, ticking over, running the way I want, then I'm going to do Yeah, and I'm going to do Yeah, what I really want to do, you know, time for myself, time for my family. And then Mike, how are you going to be then, yep, it's like, then I'm going to be happy, then I'm going to be peaceful, then I'm going to be free. And it's always ahead of us one day, someday soon, and it's, you know, part of the marketing and advertising world is we, they're constantly selling us because the belief system that drives it, and this, to answer your question is the fundamental shift. Most people come from a belief system of deficiency, not sufficiency. And what I mean by that is there's a part of us that comes from the place of lack that I need something else to be okay. Yeah, again, because particularly the busy thinking mind, it's like I need more money, or I need more sales, or I need more time before I can be happy or content or free. And so this shift from so there's a sense of deficiency, there's a sense of I'm not enough. There's a sense of, I'm not good enough, just as I am. Yeah, and it drives billionaires. It drives, you know, small business owners. And the analogy I use to help people is, you have children. Mike, I do. Yeah. So when your children were born, and what did you say? What did you experience with that newborn? What was the sense

Mike O'Neill 22:49

it was unlike anything I had Eric experienced before? It was a nice balance, if that's the right term. I was excited yet scared.

Bodhi Aldridge 23:01

Yes, yeah, that's right. Often what we see with a newborn in particular is unconditional love. You know, this little being comes into the world and they're just totally unconditionally loving it, or caregivers, family and and that the truth is, Mike, that that unconditional love in your children, yeah, is in all of us. There's a part of us that is unconditional love. There's a part of us that is whole and complete. There's a part of us that is sufficient. Yeah, we've just forgot. We've just been conditioned, we've just been trained to think that we're not until we and so again, with stillness, with these presence practices, what I encourage my clients to do is see if he can find that part of you, again, leading from the inside out, means, can you go inside and find that Part of you that is sufficient right now, that you are enough yet, that you're okay, that you're whole and complete. And in my experience, Mike, it's most people can find that. Keeping it's tricky, yeah, yeah, but finding it, because when you find that part of yourself, everything settles, nervous system settles, your energetic system settles, and you kind of go, You know what? I am enough. It doesn't mean I don't strive for more challenges, more income, more business growth. But I'm not coming at it from lack deficiency. I'm coming at it from the place of growth, the place of expression. And that then helps you find purpose, because a lot of people are looking for purpose to answer your question, is when I find my purpose outside of me, when I know what I'm going to do when I grow up? Yeah, then everything's going to be okay. Yes, yeah, that purpose doesn't work that way. Purpose reveals itself. Yep. The inner purpose. I talk about inner purpose, outer purpose and higher purpose. And so the inner purpose, the inner game, yeah, the inner exploration is to find that part of you that's whole and complete. And you can do that through reflection. You can do it through coaching. You can do it through organized religion, you know? How do I? How do I connect with that part of me that's all incomplete out of purpose, is whatever's in front of you now. To any of the listeners at the deepest level, you're always on purpose, yeah, so whatever's in front of you now, your business, your children, your relationships. What I say, Mike is, it's not about doing what brings you joy. It's about bringing joy to what you do. So if you can cultivate the inner game, yeah, from the inside out, connect with that part of you that's all and complete. Notice what's in your external, in your life now, your business, your relationship. See if you can bring more joy to it. See if you can bring more passion to it. Yeah. See if you can cultivate through that silence and reflection, the possibility that instead of resisting everything, I'm just going to lean into it, and this is how we then get on track for our higher purpose, our bigger purpose. Yeah, because what happens is that when we live in resistance of, I don't like my job, I don't like, you know, my clients, or whatever it is, essentially, we're blocking the flow of possibility. That we're blocking the flow of our life force, our our true purpose. And in my experience, and I have a very simple process I take my clients through when you really get present, when you really lean in and bring as much joy and passion to what's in front of you, yeah, and then you start to notice and follow the energy. Having worked with many, many entrepreneurs, and you would know this through your podcast, is every entrepreneur I've worked with who'd been successful, none of them said yeah. When I started out, I thought I'd end up here. Yeah, it's a purpose led life. Purpose isn't some external construct that's going to give you anything, but when you live a purpose LED light, there's some simple tools. Yeah, and again, entrepreneurs, Think for yourself. Think of you, you and I doing this podcast. Did you when you finished college? Is this what you thought your purpose was going to be? You know what's led you to hear what's led and mean to him. You know, this is a purpose led life. And so the way a purpose led life works is, firstly, you find that part of yourself and complete. You do a bit of reflection, a bit of inner work. Secondly, you set an intention. Yeah, like, What's your intention? You know, my intention is to serve the world, or my intention is to provide for my family. A lot of the clients I work with that that can be the intention. You know, my intention is to provide for my family, give my children a good education. What a worthy, noble pursuit. Yeah, you set that intention, own that intention. Commit to that yeah, because commitment is choose to have no more choice. A lot of people get wobbly in their business or in their intentions, because they're kind of harping. It's like, it's a good idea, but I'm not fully in, yeah, but when you commit to that intention, and I know this has been your journey, yeah? And then, as I say, lean in. Every day, there are two trains that leave your house, yeah? One is the flow train. The other is the resistance train. So if you're waking up, yeah, you kick your toe on the end of the bed. You're cranky, and you're just resisting life, yeah, bloody hell, traffic, bloody bills, bloody clients, whatever it might be, yeah, you're never going to get in flow. You're never going to experience your purpose. Yeah? You're missing the opportunities, yeah? But if you wake up, you do a little bit of reflection, and you and you see if you can connect with flow, connect with embracing life. And I'm not saying this is easy when you're under pressure, financial pressure, but possibilities there. What happens is, when you're in that flow, opportunities arrive suddenly. You meet somebody at a dinner party who says, You know what, I need your services. Or somebody, a client, comes in and says, I've just won this big contract. Can you Yeah? And any of the listeners, you know this. You know this, this dance and Apollo 11, when it went to the moon, it was never in a straight line. It was course correcting all the time. They're course correcting. That's what we're doing in life. We said the intention we choose to be in flow instead of resistance. Bring joy passion to what's in front of us as best we can, and then we course correct, as I say, opportunities. Show up, joint ventures show up, clients show up. And before you know it, purpose, actually, then hindsight. Think about it for yourself. You lean in, and before you know it, you look back and go, Wow, this is exactly where I want to be. This is exactly my expression in the world, yeah, but it's not in Fauci it's in on some

Mike O'Neill 30:31

I want to brag on you for a moment, folks who are watching, see that you are standing from a camera. You're well tanned, you've got a picture of you and your spouse over your shoulder. What they don't realize I'm speaking to you from Southeast United States you are in? Are you in Australia? New South Wales? Are you in Australia? Coast, yeah, East Coast Byron Bay, Australia, yep. What people don't realize is, as we are recording this, there is a hurricane literally bearing down on you, and you live at the beach, and what I would say is your ability to tune that out as a distraction. Coincidentally, we have heavy wind right now. I can hear it outside my office window right now, we don't have a hurricane coming down, and you were able to share, in a way, without regard to what is on its way to to you. And again, I I know that this will not come out until well past it. But thank you for your willingness to kind of tune that out. You know, Bodhi, if you kind of were to attempt to kind of leave us with one key piece of advice, advice that would give leaders who want to lead with greater authenticity, greater impact, more sense of centeredness. What might that be?

Bodhi Aldridge 31:59

Yeah, as you were sharing, it reminds me there was a, there was a great athlete, an Australian footballer, you know, similar, similar to the to your football over there. And he, he on his epitaph. He said, You know, there are, there are 10 words I want you to put on my avatar, yeah. And for the listeners, you know, just came to me then. And the words are, if it is, if it is to be, yeah, it is up to me, you know. And it's, it really is that that real opportunity to realize that, as difficult as it might be at the moment in the economy, financially, relationally, yeah, there is a part of you that is whole and complete. There's a part of you that can play this bigger game and whatever support you need to get there. You know, one of the big things I say, you know, when I work with male leaders, you know, the three most important men in your life, are you your closest friend and your mentor? And this applies to to both male and female business owners and leaders like, who's the who's the who are the people in your life? Yeah, it's up to you, but who keeps you accountable, who supports you, who nurtures you, who challenges you?

Mike O'Neill 33:20

Yeah, this has been powerful. In closing, if today's conversation sparks something in our listeners, don't stop here. Connect with Bodhi and start your journey towards leading from the inside out. My company bench builders, we do focus with executive coaching and on leadership development and helping leaders thrive in their roles. So if you're looking to strengthen your leadership skills or tackle workplace challenges, let me invite you visit bench builders.com and to see how we can help. Bodhi before we go, for those who want to connect with you and learn more about your work, what's the best way for them to reach out?

Bodhi Aldridge 34:00

Yeah, in the show notes, we, we, we have a free mini course around freedom and flows so that that'll be there. And my website, www, dot cloudy, aldridge.com, and again, it'll be spelled in the show notes. And the other interesting thing is, so I run a podcast called True freedom, where it's me and one of my students who does the podcast host, and we just started series three. So true freedom on all the podcast platforms. It's literally just me having these conversations about some of these concepts. So that's a great way. If you're interested in this work and want to go deeper with some of these concepts, and through the website, please reach out. You know, there's, there's practices, meditations. I'm here to support

Mike O'Neill 34:47

excellent I'm confident that's gonna be a great podcast, and so I'll without even hearing it, I commend it to our folks watching and listening now. Thank you so much. Bodie,

Bodhi Aldridge 34:59

yeah, thank you. You and to all the listeners you know, really my passion like yours, Mike, is to support business owners and leaders to live their best life, you know. So please apply the tools and reach out to whoever you feel drawn to.

Mike O'Neill 35:13

I'll echo that for all the subscribers to this podcast, thank you for joining us, and I hope that today's conversation with Bodhi has sparked some new ideas to help you get unstuck and on target. Thank you for joining us for this episode of get unstuck and on target. I hope you've gained insights to help you lead with confidence and drive your organization forward. Remember, at bench builders, we're committed to your success, your leadership excellence and your strategic growth. If you've enjoyed our conversation today, please leave a review, rate and subscribe to keep up with our latest episodes. This show really grows when listeners like you share it with others. Who do you know, who needs to hear what we talked about today? Until next time, I encourage you to stay focused on the target and continue to break new ground on your leadership path.

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