Ep207 Else Johnson - Finding Joy: A High Performer's Guide to Breaking Self-Sabotage

Else Johnson 0:00

I think as small business owners, we get we make it all too serious. We forget to play. We forget to have that creative spark, especially when you're a high performer. Don't forget the joy.

Mike O'Neill 0:14

Welcome to get unstuck and on target, the weekly podcast that offers senior leaders insights and strategies to not only lead with confidence and vision, but also to achieve ground breaking results. I'm your host, Mike O'Neill. I coach top level executives on the power of ethical leadership to forge teams to be as united as they are effective

Mike O'Neill 0:38

in each episode, join me for insightful conversations with leaders, just like you, providing practical advice to help you get unstuck and propel you and your company forward. Let's get started.

Mike O'Neill 0:56

What if the key to success wasn't working harder? But bring in the passion pack. In this episode, I sit down with mindset expert Elsa Johnson to unpack why High achievers often feel disconnected from the passion that once drove them. Elsa makes a compelling case, passion doesn't fade, it just gets buried under the weight of leadership responsibilities. So how do you clear away the clutter and reignite that spark? As a leadership coach, I see this all the time, leaders chasten success while Joy quietly takes a back seat. But it doesn't have to be that way. Tune in to hear how a simple shift can transform the way that you lead work and live. Joining me today is Elsa Johnson, a mindset expert, a speaker and a coach who helps leaders break that self sabotage and reach their full potential with a global career and a deep understanding of how leadership works. She founded Kena design, a high end window covering company before she shifted her focus to coaching, she helps them turn her clients into sustainable success and build a life and business that they love. Elsa, welcome.

Else Johnson 2:18

Thank you so much. I am so excited to be speaking with you here today about a topic close to my heart.

Mike O'Neill 2:24

Well, you know, we actually took the liberty of saying, you know, if we were to put an title on this episode, we called it, get back to Joy. And why does that resonate with you? What is about your clients that you find who kind of get away from joy.

Else Johnson 2:42

Well, as you mentioned, I had a window coverings business, right? And that is an industry where you basically bring joy to people, making their homes beautiful, create a sanctuary where they feel safe and unable to enjoy their lives. But a lot of times, I think as small business owners, we get we make it all too serious. We forget to play. We forget to have that creative spark that really makes life so rich. And I think even if you are high performer, especially when you're high performer, don't forget the joy, because the journey is so much more fun.

Mike O'Neill 3:28

What is it about that? Why do why do we choose sometimes, as high performers to forego joy?

Else Johnson 3:38

Well, I think it's very simple. Because if it seems easy, it can't be good. And when people show joy, it seems like it's too easy for them. We have to be serious. We have to be serious about work. But you can be seriously joyful and still have a fantastic life No, and be very successful. It's not, it's not reserved for the few. It's a, you know, it's a choice when you make every single day.

Mike O'Neill 4:15

You know, when I introduced you, I made reference to self sabotage and how you kind of help leaders shift from self sabotage to self mastery. You know, what is the most common internal roadblocks that you see that these high achievers face?

Else Johnson 4:33

There's two, but the first one I would really point to is that I'm not doing enough. I could be doing better. They have so high standards for themselves. You know, they have a long track record of getting things done, and they always feel like they're trying to catch up to some far reaching goal in the future that they should have been there already. And. Because of that, it or not because of that. But one of the reasons why that happens is that, because they have been typically ahead of the game, they feel like that. That is, that is the focus of what they should be. Instead of saying, I don't, I'm not. I don't need to be ahead, I know it need to be behind. I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I'm still going 100 miles an hour often, because you have been in this pattern of being in front of people that you adapt that as your own identity. So your voice is in your head saying, Yo, you know, oh, he was the first boy, you know, he was the quarterback, or, you know, she was the star of her, you know, whatever team as you grew up and people expected that of you. So that sense of, I should be doing much more is one of the very like, deeply rooted, because they can't see it themselves.

Mike O'Neill 6:03

You know, when you help your clients, begin to see that that in fact, that what they're telling themselves is self sabotage, because you never can do enough. What have you found is perhaps the best step for breaking that pattern?

Else Johnson 6:21

Well, like everything, it starts with your awareness. Start paying attention to what are you really telling yourself in those quiet moments where you sit there and feel like I'm not, I'm just not doing enough, start looking at it saying, What have you done? Typically, the list a mile, you know, a mile long, and then stop racing against other people, because somebody can be way ahead of you. But it doesn't matter, you know, you are right here. So it really starts with a first awareness, and then start being truthful with yourself. Enjoy what you have, celebrating yourself, because that's the other part, celebrating that, that moment where you accomplish something, don't just toss it to the side and says, Oh, this. I do this all the time now, it's an accomplishment. Celebrate yourself. It's okay.

Mike O'Neill 7:28

Elsa, you've described that it starts with having a sense of awareness. It goes on to be truthful with yourself. But you said something a moment ago that caught my attention, and that is in the quiet moments. Least in my experience working with high performing folks, there's not enough quiet moments. Do you see that in your practice,

Else Johnson 7:52

absolutely that there's not enough quiet moments, because that constant rush I have to get to the next thing I have to get to the next thing. If I don't get there, I will be missing out.

Else Johnson 8:12

The interesting thing about neuroscience is that they know from you know, from the studies, is you actually accomplish more if you take that quiet time on a regular basis, you know, it would be like you driving your car for five years and never had an oil change, the engine breaks down so much faster. You know,

Mike O'Neill 8:38

it kind of lends itself to what I wanted to kind of get your thoughts on, and that is, I know you work with a lot of people who who start businesses, and as they grow the business, that passion that they start off with, it kind of begins to fade as the responsibilities pile on. How do you help leaders reignite their passion without sacrificing performance.

Else Johnson 9:04

So the interesting thing you just use the word fade. And I don't think the passion fades. We just don't give it as much attention. We stack it full of, you know, like that treadmill that's sitting in your corner of your bedroom. You know, you have good intentions, and then before you know it, half your laundry basket is on top of it, but the treadmill is still there. The intentions are still there, but you have allowed all your responsibilities to be stacked on top of it and have priority. So once you start as a business owner, start looking and seeing what have I put on top of this passion that is damping it? Yeah. That is not allowing it to fully flourish, then you can get somewhere, because then you can start deciding all those things, do I really have to do them? Can I delegate them? Would it serve my business better if I was one that really had that fire in my belly and were were doing these things, and that other people take those more as a heavy tasks. Maybe, I don't know, but it, you know how you categorize it? Because some people, they love spreadsheets, and they can do spreadsheet all day long, and that's their passion. And then may, but you had the initial business idea, you might need somebody else to be the face for that. Now you kind

Mike O'Neill 10:44

of gave me a new way of looking at this. What I think I understand you to say is that the passion doesn't necessarily fade, but it gets clouded with everything else. And it sounds like if we were to use your treadmill analogy, you're helping folks take the clothes off the treadmill to allow that passion to to re emerge. But you describe several ways in which that might would be. There might be things that they're doing that they don't need to be doing, or there are things that they're doing that others could do better. In your work with high performers, do you find letting go of these things is hard?

Else Johnson 11:29

Oh, absolutely, we have this sense that if we do everything, we have everything under control, and you and I both know that that's not the case. And building a relationship with the people in your company, you know, in your you know, immediate circle, building the trust it takes to give that responsibility to them can be scary, because you you hand over that control, and especially you were mentioning before that I work a lot with people who have started businesses and get to that point where they have to do that. If you've never done it before, maybe you've been let down by other people before. Start understanding what stories are you telling yourself about trust and trusting other people to do what you need them to do.

Mike O'Neill 12:36

If one begins to kind of internalize that and you're encouraging your clients to start trusting, sounds as if it starts with trust in yourself?

Else Johnson 12:47

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I think that a lot of people they they don't trust themselves because of the things has happened in the past. Oh, I made this decision that wasn't good for me. I made that decision that was definitely not good for me, right? So we start accumulating proofs that we just don't know how to make good decisions. But there's so many circumstances that, again, we could not control in those decisions, that we forget, that we become very selective in our memory of the events

Mike O'Neill 13:34

you shared a little bit earlier about how important if you break that cycle, to begin being truthful with yourself, and you mentioned it's okay to celebrate successes. Have you found in the work that you do of clients that might vary widely, but might you have an example where people begin to say, You know what? I want to start recognizing this, what might be an example, what they did that began turning that mindset and beginning to let them stop celebrate successes. So

Else Johnson 14:18

first you have to understand yourself. One feels celebratory to me, you know, because for some people, it's just, I want to go sit outside with a nice cup of tea and enjoy the nature for a moment. That feels really good. Other people, they need, you know, the whole nine yard, the balloons, everything right before it truly feels celebratory. So again, coming back to yourself and saying, what would make this feel significant for me, and often it's like you have to wind it up. It's almost like. You have to learn it again, right? Look at a two year old who learns how to tie their shoe. They're jumping up in your up and down for jaw, right? So come back to that sense of saying, what does this how? What do I want to do to make me feel accomplished that, I feel like, dang it, I did this. I set out to do this, and I accomplished this. And if you can start with small, small things, and just like, you know, give yourself a pat on the back or what it is that really makes you feel you're recognizing yourself. You

Mike O'Neill 15:41

know, we were talking a little bit earlier about with success sometimes comes setbacks. Sometimes you could describe it almost as being being stuck. Can you share an example where you found where, what are those common challenges were the leaders they got stuck? And how did you help them break through those

Else Johnson 16:03

Well, one of the most unusual ones are your current success can make you stuck, because it feels good, right? You know you're successful. What if my next breakthrough, something outrageous, something people would even like. What are you doing? You know, we all come across these people that take a left turning everything you know, and think, where are they going? And then, lo and behold, all of a sudden, they are incredibly successful again. But you can be so comfortable in the trajectory that you on that you don't challenge yourself anymore. Now it just becomes work. You lose the joy. You lose that excitement of like, if you're a real an entrepreneur is typically one who wants to start things, but if you're 10 years into the business and it's successful, now you're business owner, you're no longer an entrepreneur, there's not that spirit in yourself, right? So you have to think about those things that you can be stuck in that that's why you feel stuck. Is that really all this? Does this really matter?

Mike O'Neill 17:21

Regular listeners know this is a totally unscripted conversation. Something that kind of just popped in my head Elsa is we've been talking about how leaders individually can begin kind of rewiring some of the things we tell ourselves and it's okay to celebrate the small successes, but we've been talking about from the context of the leader, himself or herself. What about the team that they're around? Might there need to be, kind of by extension, to involve them in celebrating, because if, if the boss starts acting differently, they might kind of go, what's going on here? Does that question make sense? Oh,

Else Johnson 18:04

yeah. It's like, does he have a midlife crisis or trust? Oh, absolutely. I think coming back to the word Trust, because uncertainty in a team can be very dangerous. Yeah, like you said, if, if, if the leader all of a sudden starts acting like, really unusual for that person. You're like, what's going on? Well, you know, if you are not in on the secret, you don't know where you belong, and you start getting uncertain. And you know, like they always said, If you then you're good. People started questioning, do I need to go look for something else? If they're not in on this thing they're trying to do? That's why I think communication is strong, communication with your team. And that's, that's the other thing about joy, right? Joy allows you to be vulnerable. Joy allows you to especially when it's done well. It allows you to share the good times, but also having somebody there around and when it's not so good, yeah, um, as long as when you in the team, understand that that it's it's not about the person. When things go bad in the group, it's not about the person. It's about what do we do wrong here? So absolutely, you need to involve your team if you feel like I need a radical change for myself.

Mike O'Neill 19:35

You know, I'm thinking about some situations by which, particularly founders, early on, tend to surround themselves with people kind of like themselves. And it could may very well be that these people are the same way. They're hard driven. They may have the same tendencies to think what you said, you know, have the feeling that they're not doing enough. So I think. What we're describing right now, it's so important. This is not necessarily just a personal journey. It. It might mean that the team is on that journey. And for that to happen, you got to be willing to be vulnerable and transparent and let them know. Let them know that I'm trying to to find that which really ignited me, and I'd like you all to come along with with me in that process. Am I hearing that right?

Else Johnson 20:28

Oh, absolutely. There's a couple of things that you have to be extremely aware of when you start that process. You have to come from a place of complete authenticity, that this is what's going on, come out and say, You know what, I feel our team have stagnated, or I have stagnated. I think we can do better, and I would love to enlist your help in doing that and have an open conversation. And when you have that open conversation, hopefully you have already built a team that's willing to have that open conversation, but you have to lead the way. You're saying, I know I haven't been the best manager, you know? I If that's the case, right? If you come out and say, This is what I know I have contributed without starting pointing fingers, you have to be the one who takes that responsibility and being vulnerable enough to the group and say, We need to shake this up. And here's how I see I can shake it up. What do you see I could shake up. How do you when you look at me? Where do you think I can support this group better and be listening? Shut up and listen. People will tell you if you're willing to listen and the last thing you have to do action if they share something with you, act on it if you can, and if you can't communicate, why not? It is completely demoralizing for a team to feel that somebody is going to change things, and everything falls on flat ears, deaf ears, I guess it's called. You

Mike O'Neill 22:26

made a comment a moment ago about as a leader, if you're going to get others kind of on board with this pursuit of getting back to Joy, sometimes what you gotta do is shut up and listen. And I've noticed in this conversation, there have been some long pauses, and for some they may have found that uncomfortable to think of something wrong with their podcast player or the like. But what I'm sensing is that you as a coach, is that when you're working with your clients, when you ask questions, you allow a long pause in your work with them, and is that typical of how you typically interact with your clients?

Else Johnson 23:15

It is because the goal comes after the wrapping. You know that delicious piece of chocolate is after you take the wrapping off. And a lot of times when we respond, we respond from the top of our you know, from the top of our mind. But as it had had time to sit for a minute and you start thinking with your heart, the truth comes out. And one of the reasons is people don't like you said. People don't like silence, so they feel they had to fill it up. And that's one way that you can start seeing help a leader see that sometimes that is the worst thing you can do, yeah, because they automatically feel like, oh, there's too quiet. There's too quiet, and I need to fill it out. I need to fill it out. No, you don't let people have time to think and feel what it is they want to say in a very thoughtful man, give them that space to think.

Mike O'Neill 24:30

I have had it described to me the power of the pause, that if I ask a question and there's this long silence, resist the temptation to break the silence. Let them kind of dwell on that question, because it might be a question that they're really processing, and they may gain some insights. We may sound like two coaches talking shopping here. Her, yeah, but in your work with high performing leaders, is silent? Is that uncomfortable for them?

Else Johnson 25:09

Some of them, yes, absolutely. Um. The interesting thing is, you said you were saying that we were talking shop, right? But that's when you're being taught in sales. You know, in you know, if you go to a sales coach or goes to a sales seminar, say the price and shut up. And it is about learning that most people can't handle the pause, like you said, and it's because we have been trained to respond from what we think we need to say, rather to respond from listening. And if you have to intently listen to somebody and hear what they're really saying, you can't respond fast, because fast response is basically you already pre recording that answer in line.

Mike O'Neill 26:12

Elsa, as we start to wrap up this conversation, I'd like to ask you to give some thought to maybe one actionable piece of advice that you would give to the business leaders who are looking to create lasting success and fulfillment. What might that be, and where should one start?

Else Johnson 26:34

Very simple, every single night before you go to sleep. Am I satisfied with how I showed up in my life today?

Mike O'Neill 26:52

And if one does that, what might happen?

Else Johnson 26:56

You start noticing patterns. Because even if the answer is no, I did not, now you have something to work with, and if you lead it, we all know, unless it can be measured, it can't be fixed. So you need to start creating your own database of your thoughts, of your behaviors, and how they aligned in order to get to where you want to be.

Mike O'Neill 27:27

I love when you said it's it's just simple, yeah, but would you describe it's simple, but you're saying in your day, in reflection, and if it was a good day. Acknowledge it if it wasn't know that tomorrow's a new day.

Else Johnson 27:50

And here's the kicker, right? Simple and easy, a two totally different thing. Oh, Explain, please. It's simple to do something. But is it easy? No, it can't be easy. When you say, No, this was a bad day. Well, why was it a bad day? What made it a bad day? And that's what I meant before by having that data bank. All of a sudden, you can see, well, this was a bad day because it started off on the wrong foot. Okay. Now I can see what can I do just every day, secure that my day starts up on a good foot. Maybe I need to wake up five minutes early and do a little bit of grounding. Maybe I do move my meetings around so I'm more productive than these meetings. Again. We are so focused on data. As performers start create, you know, having that data on yourself and your own behaviors, and then you can do something about it. You're raising your awareness.

Mike O'Neill 28:55

This has been fascinating. I've really enjoyed listening to you and how you approach your work with clients. Let me just point out, for those who don't know about our business, and that is, if you're a leader in growth challenges and there's gaps and perhaps even team misalignment and they're slowing you down. Let's fix that. You can learn how you can go to bench builders.com but Elsa, I want to thank you again for sharing your expertise, and for listeners who want to connect with you. What's the best way for them to reach you?

Else Johnson 29:31

The best way for them to reach me is through LinkedIn. They can find me there under Elsa, John from coaching, and I'd love for us to connect, and then put my message saying I heard you on the podcast.

Mike O'Neill 29:47

You and I met in Suzanne Taylor King's community. I knew when I met you that you'd be a great podcast guest. Now, when you go to Elsa's LinkedIn profile and you go to the About section, now you know. I invited her because it reads what would be like if you could stop feeling stuck and increase your performance and happiness. Elsa, thank you for sharing your insights, and I also want to thank our subscribers for tuning in. And I hope that this conversation with Elsa has sparked some new ideas to help you get unstuck and on target. Thank you for joining us for this episode of get unstuck and on target. I hope you've gained insights to help you lead with confidence and drive your organization forward. Remember at bench builders, we're committed to your success, your leadership excellence and your strategic growth. If you've enjoyed our conversation today, please leave a review, rate and subscribe to keep up with our latest episodes. This show really grows when listeners like you share it with others. Who do you know, who needs to hear what we talked about today? Until next time, I encourage you to stay focused on the target and continue to break new ground on your leadership path. You.